Update: Thank-you all for your support and concern. I had surgery at the end of April and the doctor has informed me that there is no further risk!! All cancer cells were removed. I am so grateful to be so lucky!
I’ll be blunt. I have Cancer. Yep, the big “C” word. The ultimate piss off. The killer of happiness in our generation. No one wants to hear that word. It has become all too common. It’s right out there front and center on Facebook. It’s happening to our friends, families, neighbors.
No one is immune.
I don’t want sympathy. What I have isn’t bad. (Cervical) We caught it early. (Thank god.) I am incredibly lucky. (Am I?) I really don’t want to bring attention to my situation and yet I feel the need to let you know. I need to talk about it. I am scared. (Who wouldn’t be?) It doesn’t matter how small it is…it is still cancer. I could hardly believe it was me walking in to the Nova Scotia Cancer Center when I had my last appointment. They told me I have to have a hysterectomy.Even though it is very small. It is the right thing to do. Prevention they said. Surgery. That alone is scary enough for me. I’ve heard that too many surgeries can increase your chance of getting Alzheimer’s. Those of you who know me will understand why that is so scary to me.
Everyone says I am lucky.
I won’t have to have a monthly period ever again. I already have two healthy children! (I agree I am very lucky on that part!) But they don’t know that I’ve hoped and prayed for a third child and suffered quietly through several miscarriages over the last 4 years. They don’t know that I still hope for another pregnancy and probably will right up until they wheel me into that surgery room. I know it might seem ungrateful of me. I do love and appreciate my two children I already have. I do wish others had an easier time conceiving. But this awareness doesn’t take away my desire. The pain I will feel when I wake up after surgery knowing I can’t have any more children.
Hopefully they’ll leave my ovaries.
Hopefully, I won’t have to have crazy mood swings or early menopause. (I’ve heard that’s horrifying!) Hopefully they won’t get in there and find out it’s worse than they think. (I’m having horrible nightmares about tumours hiding in other areas of my body.) Hopefully I won’t need radiation afterwards. (I dread this.) Every word out of my mouth these dats starts with hopefully. Hope is all I have right now. Because I’m not ready for anything worse. Heck, I wasn’t ready for this. I didn’t expect it. (Who does?)
Have you had cancer or a hysterectomy? Please comment or email me! I would be grateful for the shared experiences to help me get through this. I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m looking for a friend.
I promised myself I wouldn’t freak out or say oh my God, but OH MY GOD!
I am so sorry to read this. I am incredibly grateful that you caught it early and that you have a good circle of close friends.
I am sad for you and I am angry. This disease has touched far too many people in my life – in all our lives – and I am sorry that you are now in that club. 🙁
But! You are right. You don’t need sympathy, you need a friend. So, I will tell you this: my mother had breast cancer when I was pregnant with E. E just turned 11 this week. My mother will be 82 in September. So … Onward you go!
Positivity trumps negativity every time.
It does indeed. Thank-you! <3
Holidng you in my light!
Wishing you the smoothest oath on this rocky road!!! Sending heaps of positive energy
Wow, Laura! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Cancer is scary, surgery is scary, a hysterectomy comes with a lot of baggage. So I’m not going to be the one telling you you’re lucky. Just that I hear you and your feelings are valid but I hope you come out of this whole experience feeling lucky, or more full of life, or something, if that’s even possible. I’m thinking and praying for you, my friend.
Oh Laura, I am so sorry this is happening to you. You are in my prayers
While I didn’t have cancer, I had a partial hysterectomy at 43 due to a prolapsed cervix & uterus (I’ll be 45 this year). I had also hoped for one more baby but it wasn’t meant to be. I waited as long as I could to have surgery and I have to say, that while I am sad that we didn’t add a 3rd baby to our family, I am so grateful for the 2 girls I have and that I have my health back.
I’m returning to my old self and happier than I’ve been in a long time. Hugs to you!
I’m so sorry to hear this. I haven’t had cancer but I did have pre=cancerous cells on my cervix which made me have a LEAP procedure. So scary.
Very scary indeed! I’m happy your results were good after your LEEP!
Laura! I feel like I just got punched in the gut! It’s like one of my own girls got cancer. Know this: you are, even more than before, tucked up into my heart where I can love and care for you with everything I’ve got. Let me know what you need. Keep me posted on the timeline for the surgery etc. You are so loved.
That is scary and I’m sorry <3 I'm thinking of you Laura!
Thank-you Randa!
Your experience mirrors my own. I was 38 years old with 2 small children when I received the same news. That was 8 years ago and all is well now. No cancer journey is fun but I do consider myself lucky. If you want to chat please feel free to reach out. You do not have to go through this alone.
Thanks for the comment Nadine. I’m glad to hear you have had no further problems after and I really appreciate your offer to chat. 🙂